So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
