Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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