Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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