Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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