JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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