He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
