If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
