Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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