I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
