The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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