Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Randomize
