Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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