Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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