I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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