The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
