OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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