so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
