I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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