Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
