He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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