Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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