im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
