I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
