Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
40s are totally the cure
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
