is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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