well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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