i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
is wine microwaveable?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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