guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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