Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
wow bdsm is so cute
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
