they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
