Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of BeyoncΓ©.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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