So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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