in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
