you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
