If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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