Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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