I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
