JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
