According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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