Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
