Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
