Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
