I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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