she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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