We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
