She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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