to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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