remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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