Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
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