Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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