and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
