Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
