I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
